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As The Crow Flies

by Auntie Establishment

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1.
I'm no longer a drinker, no longer a drunk Never been much of a thinker and I've never shot junk Well I gave up on smoking before I'd begun And I'll die a nowhere man with two healthy lungs I backed down from the fight before one punch was thrown A coward in plain sight and a coward alone Spent a life in the margins as a return-to note And in my own production had just a recurring role My friends tell me that I should watch my step But I've not even learned how to walk yet When I have I'll cross the valleys deep But until then I must get to know me Well I'm hardly a hero, barely a working class man Drift as close to the zero as one possibly can Now it seems that my future is back in my hands But what good is a future if I don't know who I am?
2.
Lately I've swapped a park bench for a bed But still I'd rather be waking up there instead 'Cos I'll trade the winter cold for all the ghosts I see 'round here In run-down pubs, on pills, and in my head I'm not running away, I'm running towards A future that I might one day afford 'Cos I'm broke as hell, but I'm willing to earn Enough shelter to survive the coming storm I'm not looking to *gain* Just for a neighbour who might know my name Who I can offer my hand out to I can feel myself dying And I'm losing the ability to explain My actions to you I've made a friend of failure and being sad But I've let down every friend I've ever had So it's time I turned my back on turning my back on everything And followed through on all the promises I've made I'm not running away, I'm running towards A future that I might one day afford 'Cos I'm broke as hell, but I'm willing to earn Enough shelter to survive the coming storm I planted my flag At the base of my mood in a body bag And it won't move til something changes I can feel myself dying But that must mean I'm living now I'm living now
3.
A Composite 04:42
She traces a head on her pillow with a feather And dances through piles of unopened letters Just to call the overgrown garden her own Hasn't planted a flower or seed there for years Stayed skinny on cigarettes and sane on beer That she paid for with a turned-down loan As the radio drowns out the knocking at the door And a pair of greedy arms pulls her down to the floor She gets all that she's asking for He's all that she asked for But I know she deserves more She calls for her mother at the grave, early morning Dressed only in black, in debt to her mourning And the guilt that won't go away Thoughts drift to her father, alone in the hills, And the man who demands her at home where she kills The day, where she kills the day As the radio drowns out the knocking at the door And a pair of greedy arms pulls her down to the floor She gets all that she's asking for He's all that she asked for But I know she deserves more Gotta breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out, breathe (sever the burden, she's urged on a Sunday by a woman in white, who she tells she will, someday but who's the one to fall? it's a long way down from the second floor the cheap gold ring locked tight round her finger refuses to leave as the pregnant summer lingers on and on) She still traces a head on her pillow with a feather And dances through piles of unopened letters Whispering softly that she deserves better Doesn't she deserve better?
4.
The city's heart beats, it's definitely breathing but I don't know if I am it's sub zero, but I can't see anything leave me except excuses how long has it taken to revert to this imitation of a man? cold sweats and comedowns blood trickling from my palms hide your sympathy I'm looking for it I don't deserve any I brought it on myself I can't separate a memory from a dream that terrifies me cos what that means is all I've got is now and all I've got is nothing how long has it taken to revert to this imitation of a man? cold sweats and blackouts blood trickling from my palms have I fought a losing fight to change what I know? well I thought the future might see me coming home but still I cannot recognise the gradual rise and sharp decline as change exmplefied in this last bottle of overpriced wine hide your sympathy I'm looking for it I don't deserve any I brought it on myself
5.
darling, I'm coming home but I still don't know where I'm going stuck my finger on the map went there and now I'm coming back but I'm sad to say that I'm coming back alone you see I had an interview with God and drinks with Mary Magdalene I signed my name in blood and for two months I was in love but now our time's barely an echo on the wind and I wonder if you'll forget and I wonder if you'll call and I wonder if you'll regret saying anything at all I'm a narcissistic man you can see it in the pride I feel but even I have to accept another lover will come next and that reality for me is far too real so I'll dream another life in which I'm 33; you're 29 we run into each other and by chance we both discover that we should've been together all the time but I wonder if I'll forget and I wonder if I'll call and I wonder if I'll regret saying anything at all we sat and watched the stars under the Portuguese sky you didn't say a word it was the only sound I heard it was the perfect way for us to say goodbye but I wonder if we'll forget and I wonder if we'll call and I wonder if we'll regret saying anything at all
6.
I've ran away from every home I've ever known between concrete and the comfort of friends and I'll claim today's the day that I've finally outgrown the people on whom I could depend I spend afternoons contently sleeping in my head picturing a heartfelt farewell I'm still sat alone a thousand miles from where I fled is freedom just another jail cell? but just like clockwork I return to say goodbye but it grows awkward as we no longer can cry I feed off sentimental soundbytes of our lives and I've grown hungry in the time since I arrived I wonder what you'd think if you knew what I'd become or maybe I was like this all along either way I'd appreciate a little something to numb the restlessness I feel when I belong I've hidden my white flag between my legs so no-one knows the ease with which I packed it all in but I can't walk away without revealing my mistakes and I'm sick of speaking over fine-tuned violins my father left me a plan to leave behind all the worries we accumulate in life he befriended the bottle, so why can't I? he befriended the road, so why can't I?

about

*FOR A BIT OF WRITING ABOUT EACH SONG, CLICK ON THE TITLES*

Special thanks:
My beautiful sister, for putting up with me using her laptop
My friends, old and new
Everyone who let me stay with them, fed me or simply was kind to me while I was travelling
The punk community
Coffee

credits

released December 30, 2014

Every song was written, recorded and plagiarised by myself.

The album cover is a picture I took while staying at the paradise, Tribodar: tribodar.com

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Auntie Establishment Edinburgh, UK

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