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The Pregnant Summer

from Dear Mum, I'm Sorry by Auntie Establishment

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about

When I was 18 my dad left us and this set in motion an unforeseeable series of events that took my family to breaking point. My mum dealt with enough to tear most people down, my sister was overcoming the biggest struggle she will ever face and my brother was living thousands of miles away in Japan, because of all this I was looked to as a pillar of strength and reliability. For whatever reason, I didn't handle this well and somewhat broke down. This was a watershed moment for me. it's only now I can really write about it. This song is about that one event in particular and the feelings of responsibility it aroused in me, but I struggled to live up to.

It should be noted that I now have a brilliant relationship with my dad, perhaps the best it has ever been, and am currently writing this from his house, my sister has just graduated and has only good prospects to look forward to, and my mum regains a little bit of strength every day. I could have retroactively changed the lyrics to indicate a more optimistic future for me and my dad's relationship, but that would have been insincere.

lyrics

18 years to learn that summer
passes the same every time
and though taxes stay hidden in child-proof drawers
"don't worry. boy, there's nothing to hide"

but I'm not a father
and a husband knows better
than to let a mother cry
I don't know if a God can help us
but I know that I'm willing to try

you found a house in the country
we built a home in our hearts
and though memory still lives
like a ghost in these halls
there's a comfort that never departs
but I don't know where you are now
ain't that something worth talking about?
maybe texas or canada
down some old street corner
writing letters that you'll never send out

but if you seek forgiveness
salvation, whatever
then just leave it up to time
I don't know if you're still holding hope
I don't know if I'm still holding mine

credits

from Dear Mum, I'm Sorry, released June 27, 2014

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Auntie Establishment Edinburgh, UK

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