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You Have To Live If You Want To Die

from As The Crow Flies by Auntie Establishment

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about

Jumping forward in the narrative slightly, I wrote this song shortly after returning to Edinburgh. Before long I was apathetic and dissatisfied, wishing to be back in the environment I had grown to love. This song expresses that desire, and is also something of an explanation as to why I gravitate so strongly towards community life, or the life of a 'traveller'. It puts forward the polarizing feelings I have when placed in either environment.

lyrics

Lately I've swapped a park bench for a bed
But still I'd rather be waking up there instead
'Cos I'll trade the winter cold for all the ghosts I see 'round here
In run-down pubs, on pills, and in my head

I'm not running away, I'm running towards
A future that I might one day afford
'Cos I'm broke as hell, but I'm willing to earn
Enough shelter to survive the coming storm
I'm not looking to *gain*
Just for a neighbour who might know my name
Who I can offer my hand out to
I can feel myself dying
And I'm losing the ability to explain
My actions to you

I've made a friend of failure and being sad
But I've let down every friend I've ever had
So it's time I turned my back on turning my back on everything
And followed through on all the promises I've made

I'm not running away, I'm running towards
A future that I might one day afford
'Cos I'm broke as hell, but I'm willing to earn
Enough shelter to survive the coming storm
I planted my flag
At the base of my mood in a body bag
And it won't move til something changes
I can feel myself dying
But that must mean I'm living now

I'm living now

credits

from As The Crow Flies, released December 30, 2014

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Auntie Establishment Edinburgh, UK

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